That Fresh Feeling

New year, new classes, new experiences, fresh music.

The title of this post comes from "Fresh Feeling" by The Eels. The motivation behind it comes from the love, support, dedication, and mere presence of everyone who is currently a part of my life--from my fellow camp staff of the past two summers, to the lovely HT14 Oxford crew, to the school friends I abandoned way too much over the past several months, to my amazing family who I wish I could see more often, and everyone in between.

I hope the slower melodies in this collection don't get you down. I've always loved slower music; I feel a strange kind of hopefulness from it. I hope you can find some hope in knowing life's not just the sad times, but using the moments of sadness to remember why sadness is important, why grieving things we've lost is important, and that there's always good stuff to come.

This is for all of you. Listen here.

Tracklisting:
All The Way - Timeflies
Jungles - Stepdad
Lying Beast - Run River North
Anna Sun - Walk the Moon
Tiger Striped Sky - Roo Panes
Let Go (Instrumental) - Kraddy
You - Keaton Henson
Beware the Dog - The Griswolds
Walk On By - Noosa
Gold - Wake! Owl
Don't Believe You - Thief
All Comes Down - Kodaline
Papaoutai - Stromae
Hello, I'm In Delaware - City & Colour
Empire - Shakira
Saturn - Sleeping At Last
Blue Skies - Noah and the Whale
Rather Be (jackLNDN Remix) - Clean Bandit & Jess Glynne
Agape - Bear's Den

The Countdown

10 days until I turn in my last paper.
13 days until my time in Oxford is over.
16 days until I return to America.
19 days until I'm back at school.


A poem I wrote a few years back, briefly revisited.

Don’t ask me to let you go.

I will not do it now.

I will let you go when we’ve lived

out this grinding,

future-driven life. I will

let you go when eternity shines

from the tunnel’s end.

I will let you go when I can’t help

but have forgotten who we both are

and what we might have been

back then.

Don’t ask me before we’ve watched

the sun set

and the stars break through

black curtains of the night.

Don’t ask me

before the actors bow

and the lights come up for good.

I won’t do it unless

the children are grown;

we’ve taken care of it all.

Don’t ask me to watch you leave

before the end has come.

The Reality: A Random Smattering

A series of things loosely based on a message I sent to my friend Anna last week.

• Spring break in Wales was one of the top 2 greatest experiences of my life
• I feel closer to everyone in my house all of a sudden
• I started riding my bike again after almost two months of only walking
• Stonehenge really is just a big pile of rocks
• But an impressive pile of rocks
• I've woken up before 9am almost every day the past week and a half
• And I'm happy about it
• The staff and other speakers have made history more interesting than it ever was before
• I climbed a cathedral tower with 332 steps
• It's been in the 50s almost every day for the past few weeks
• And the sun's been out
• Prawn cocktail (aka shrimp cocktail) Pringles are really good
• I ate half a jar of peanut butter for lunch yesterday and learned a lot about my life
• Making myself feel better about stuff doesn't always mean sitting alone and crying
• But it also doesn't always mean forcing myself to socialize and get plenty of exercise
• I'm really bad at judging the size of international stamps when writing postcards
• Adult things are stressful
• But they don't have to be
• One thing at a time, right?
• Oliver Cromwell disapproved of the Magna Carta and instead called it the "Magna Farta"
• Actually a large majority of historical figures had senses of humor and/or did stupid things that are extremely amusing
• There is pen all over my hands for the first time in a long time because let me tell you ink does not dry quickly when applied to the backs of postcards
• Online groceries are a godsend
• I am about to read a lot of books in a very short amount of time
• The British education system is wonderful but I miss having month-long (or more) warnings for my paper prompts
• And only writing papers with a small number of short sources
• And only having to walk 2 minutes to class instead of biking 15+ or walking 40+
• I miss restaurants and stores that are open past 6pm
• I miss Taco Bell
• I miss living in the Eastern time zone
• I miss driving
• I miss reading books for fun
• I miss the rest of my wardrobe
• I miss having a roommate
• Especially one who manages to ruin my life in a good way
• I miss not being surprised by the conversion rates when I check my bank balance
• But soon I'm going to miss living in a house with 30+ other people
• I'm going to miss morning and afternoon tea
• I'm going to miss late nights in the kitchen talking about life
• I'm going to miss the staff and tutors and JDs and other Oxfordians that have taken such good care of us
• I'm going to miss large group meals and fumbling through recipes we found online
• I'm going to miss having dozens of heavy coins in my wallet that add up to almost $20
• Okay that was a joke
• I can't wait to get back to mostly paper money
• I'm going to miss the insane library system
• I'm going to miss the sight of a crowded Cornmarket Street
• I'm going to miss my daily passing of buildings older than America
• I'm going to miss Oxford and all these wonderful people
• When the time comes I know I'll be ready to go
• Ready to see family and friends again
• But right now I have a book to read, a paper to write, and groceries on the way
• I hope you all have a wonderful week