Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Devil's Monologue

Hey!

I couldn't find anything that I felt like posting today that I wrote, so I picked up this section from the final book in the Left Behind young adult series that I decided to type up one day. This is a monologue that Jerry Jenkins and Tim LaHaye wrote as if it came from the mouth of the devil himself, speaking through Nicolae Carpathia (the antichrist). I absolutely love the way they used well-known Bible stories in this. Enjoy.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come for me to take you into my confidence. We must all be on the same page in order to win the ultimate battle. Look into my eyes and listen, because what you hear today is truth and you will have no trouble believing every word of it. I am eternal. I am from everlasting to everlasting. I was there at the beginning, and I will remain through eternity future.
Here is the problem: the one who calls himself God is not God. I will concede that he preceded me. When I evolved out of the primordial ooze and water, he was already there. But plainly, he had come about in the same manner I did. Simply because he preceded me, he wanted me to think he created me and all the other beings like him in the vast heavens. I knew better. Many of us did.
He tried to tell us we were created as ministering servants. We had a job to do. He said he had created humans in his own image and that we were to serve them. Had I been there first, I could have told him that I had created him and that it was he who would serve me by ministering to my other creations.
But he did not create anything! We, all of us-you, me, the other heavenly hosts, men and women-all came from that same primordial soup. But no! Not according to him! He was there with another evolved being like myself, and he claimed that one as his favored son. He was the special one, the chosen one, the only begotten one.
I knew from the beginning it was a lie and that I--all of us--was being used. I was a bright and shining angel. I had ambition. I had ideas. But that was threatening to the older one. He called himself the creator God, the originator of life. He took the favored position. He demanded that the whole earth worship and obey him. I had the audacity to ask why. Why not me?
About a third of the other evolved beings agreed with me and took my side, promised to remain loyal. The other two-thirds were weaklings, easily swayed. They took the side of the so-called father and his so-called son.
We have been mortal enemies ever since, that father and that son and I. He even persuaded the evolved humans that he created them! But that could not be true, because if he had, they would not have free will. And if he created me, I would not have been able to rebel. It only makes sense.
Once I figured that out, I began enjoying my role as the outcast. I found humans, the ones he liked to call his own, the easiest to sway. The woman with the fruit! She did not want to obey. It took nothing, mere suggestion, to get her to do what she really wanted.
And the first human siblings-they were easy! The younger was devoted to the one who called himself the only true God, but the other…ah, the other wanted only what I wanted: A little something for himself. Before you know it, I am proving beyond doubt that these creatures are not really products of the older angel’s creativity. Within a few generations I have them so confused, so selfish, so full of themselves that the old man no longer wants to claim they were made in his image.
They get drunk; they fight; they blaspheme. They are stubborn; they are unfaithful. They kill each other. The only ones I cannot get through to are Noah and his kin. Of course, the great creator decides the rest of history depends on them and wipes out everyone else with a flood. I eventually got to Noah, but he had already started repopulating the earth.
Yes, I will admit it. The father and the son have been formidable foes over the generations. They have their favorites--the Jews, of all people. The Jews are the apples of the elder’s eye, but therein lies his weakness. He has such a soft spot for them that they will be his undoing.
My forces and I almost had them wiped out not so many generations ago, but father and son intervened, gave them back their own land, and foiled us again. Fate has toyed with us many times, my friends, but in the end we shall prevail.
Father and son thought they were doing the world a favor by putting their intentions in writing. The whole plan is there, from sending the son to die and resurrect, to foretelling this entire period. Yes, many millions bought into this great lie. Up to now I would have to acknowledge that the other side has had the advantage.
But two great truths will be their undoing. First, I know the truth. They are not greater or better than I or anyone else. They came from the same place we all did. And second, they must not have realized that I can read. I read their book! I know what they are up to! I know what happens next, and I even know where!
Let them turn the lights off in the great city that I loved so much! Ah, how beautiful it was when it was the center for commerce and government, and the great ships and planes brought in goods from all over the globe. So it is dark now. And so what if it is eventually destroyed? I will build it back up, because I am more powerful than father and son combined. 
Let them shake the earth until it is level and drop hundred-pound chunks of ice from the skies. I will win in the end because I have read their battle plan. The old man plans to send the son to set up the kingdom he predicted more than three hundred times in his book, and he even tells where he will land! Ladies and gentlemen, we will have a surprise waiting for him.
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Excellent writing. Love it.
~Allison

Friday, October 29, 2010

Satire Proposal


 This is a satire proposal essay I wrote for my English class last year. If it seems over-the-top, it's supposed to be. I tried to incorporate as much of today's so-called "innovative technology" as possible. Note that I wrote this around April, before Google Wave kind of died off. Enjoy.
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Fred turned his head to look at the clock. 9:32pm, he thought. Plenty of time for 15 more matches. Fred felt the strain in his neck as he returned his gaze to the computer screens. He had four monitors in a square on his desk. The bottom two displayed his current game, “Starships in the Modern World of Guns and War”. The monitor on the top right was split between his Facebook and Twitter applications, and the monitor on the top left had five windows open: the latest viral video on YouTube, two of his six email accounts, Meebo (a site that logs you into 4 instant messaging programs at once), and Google Wave – the newest collaboration craze.
On top of these four monitors was a camera, set up to take a picture of Fred every 30 minutes to post to DailyBooth.com. In a stand to the right was Fred’s iPad, currently loaded to a new book. Below the iPad was Fred’s iPhone blasting the newest remixes his friends sent him the day before through $580 designer speakers.
Fred continued to talk into his headset as he checked the clock one more time. 10:08. Perfect. He paused the game to look at the text he got from one of his old friends. Hm. I wonder what he wants… “Hey man, I know you’re busy with that new game and all, but I feel like I never see you anymore. Want to go out for coffee Thursday? Let me know.” Bah. I guess I just won’t respond. He’ll get the message. Fred took a sip from a tube connected to two cans of Red Bull perched on the sides of his hat and settled back into his reclining, remote-controlled Lounge Master 8000. The tension in his neck was almost unbearable. There has to be some way to fix this. I can’t be the only one having this problem. He started the game again and spent two more hours playing it.
Sometime around midnight, Fred told his friends he needed to log off. “I’m gettin’ up early tomorrow guys. I don’t have much time; there’s an online preview of ‘XX Recon 2’ at 10, but I really need the cash if I want to eat next month.” All of his internet-friends started groaning in unison. “Alright, alright. I’ll be back tomorrow. Stay fresh.” With one last unseen salute, he logged off and sighed. Before getting up, he responded to the 63 emails, notifications, tweets, posts, IMs, and texts that had accumulated over the last two hours. Alright, here we go, he thought with another sigh. Slowly he held a button down on his Lounge Master remote and sat up. He placed his headset on its hook, removed his drink hat, and threw away all the empty cans and chip bags. Slowly, Fred lifted himself out of the chair and shuffled to the door. He glanced back at the clock then turned out the lights and headed upstairs to his bed.
The next morning, Fred woke up and craned his neck to look at the clock. 7:00 a.m. He pulled his only suit out of his closet. The pants were a little tight, but he managed to get everything on without ripping any fabric or losing any buttons. Within the hour, he was at his first job interview in months. He went through pleasantries with the secretary and completed his interview. That went pretty well. Hopefully this’ll get me some cash. On the drive home, Fred planned to stop at a chiropractor his only non-internet friend recommended. However, a few miles down the road, he saw a billboard advertising a mini-robotic personal assistant. The main feature was a projector on the front of the robot that could be used for presentations and movie nights. The robot could also project the time anywhere you told it to. Fred pulled over immediately and called the number on the billboard.
“Hello? Yes, I’d like to order one of your personal assistant robot things. It’s remote-controlled, right? Ok, good. And it really projects the time onto the wall it’s facing? Perfect. I don’t care what it costs. Just please send it to this address…” That’s excellent, and just what I need! Why throw away money every few days for some random guy to fix a problem that can be solved by this little robot guy? Technology really can meet any need.

~Allison

Thursday, October 28, 2010

An Intro

Hello all!

For several months I have debated over how to approach this: I wanted to post my short stories, poems, and other random writings on my blog, but I felt it would end up cluttered. So, I decided to start this new blog that is made up completely of things that I write for English classes, NaNoWriMo, recreation, and inspiration that are not directly related to my own life. This includes poems, short stories, sections of my NaNo novel (for preview), and anything else I might think of along the way.

I'm not sure exactly how much I plan to advertise this blog, but I hope the people that read it enjoy it.

~Allison