"The world is like a mask, dancing. If you want to see it well you do not stand in one place."
- Chinua Achebe
Summer is over. I hate to say I didn't see it coming. Yesterday was the fourth round of goodbyes, and for some reason it was the easiest. Everything ended well. It was not until I began to unpack my car at home that I realized what had happened a few hours before. I don't know when I'll see some of these people next. But every single second of not knowing has been worthwhile.
This is a note I typed up during a slow afternoon a few weeks back. It encompasses everything I'm going to spend the rest of my life being thankful for.
8.18.13
I've never been more confident in myself. That's my takeaway from this summer. More than ever before I've felt like I knew what I was doing and that I was a part of something amazing. Not only was staffing this summer the perfect way to grow myself, but I truly believe that I made a small difference in someone's life this summer. Whether that was the little girl who got to steer her own horse for the first time, the two-year-old who wished all week to be old enough for pony rides and got the chance, the women who got back on after 30 years, the staff member or clipper who got a chance to ride, the people who overcame their fear, or the little girl who rode with us after swearing she never would again.
I was more stressed and tired the past 3 months than I ever could have imagined, but every second and every tear and every bruise was worth it. I can't help but look back on the friendships, the jokes, the songs, the fires, the hugs, being so thankful for those first hellos and hoping these aren't our last goodbyes.
Coming into this summer, I was mostly convinced I wouldn't ever get to come back for a second. I cannot explain the pull I feel now. I'm doing everything I can to make sure I come back.
Going to the fair, going to people's houses, making plans for the year, games in the basement or lobby, movies, dinners, nights off, off-roading, hikes, Sheetz runs, waterfront Saturdays, talking about the past, talking about the future, inside jokes, never wanting to be assigned an animal and motion ever again, getting over stage fright, dancing like maniacs, gifts, food, dealing with injuries, encouragement, sports, snack bar shifts, call-outs in the dining hall, meetings, late night talks, and being part of a family.
I have no regrets. Every little step, good or bad, has brought me to where and who I am. When we say goodbye, and tell each other sincerely, it's been a blast, I can't wait til next year, you did a great job, and have a good year, it just sums up every too-deep emotion spreading through my body. Joy. Pain. Love. Gratitude.
Who holds your thoughts?
Can you tell me why this is a beautiful thing?
Can you articulate
the feel of the wind
or the hope of a night
spent in the place you're meant to be?
Can you easily comprehend
a face you'll never forget
or a distance you'd die to cross
for once and forever?
